A Letter to Sarah

Dear Sarah,

Tonight I went into your room to check on you about an hour after you went to sleep. As soon as I opened the door and snuck in, I could smell you. My heart fluttered and I walked forward to your crib where you were snuggled up tightly on your tummy. I took a deep breathe in because the smell was so sweet. Like the smell that lives on your neck. It is pure sugar. I put my hand on your back and held my breathe while I waited to feel yours move in and out. I do this every night and panic for the smallest instant while I wait to feel the breathing. I felt sad when I looked over and saw Sabine's empty bed. She and Dad went on a campout together and Mommy kept you home. You had to go to bed all alone. You were such a big girl tonight when you prayed for bananas and Sabine. We ask you every night what you want us to sing to you and you always answer "H-I-J-L-M-O-P". So we sing you the alphabet and I rock you in my arms. I love this time with you. We had 2 full hours all to ourselves tonight before bed. Mostly we ran around the house- You screaming with laughter, me chasing you and grabbing your naked tush. When you laugh, I feel pure joy. Utter and total joy. When I went in and checked on you tonight I thought about how you are not a baby anymore. This thought occupies alot of my mind and time. If I could, I'd change you back into my little baby and then wish that time would freeze right there. I understand you have to get bigger, but I hope you don't potty train too quickly or give up your binky any time soon. These are the only things about you that are still baby like. When I left you alone to slumber in you piggy jammies I went and looked at pictures of you as a sweet baby, and my heart fluttered some more. If I could, I think I'd shove you and Sabine right back inside here:
Love,

Mommy